What Happened to Mary Sue?
by Life Starts Now
Summary: That population of poorly constructed OC's in the Gone fandom can be saved! All it takes is a little hard work and you've got a beautiful character! Follow Arabella Nightingale Neverland Alaska on her quest for deepness. Steps to create characters.
1. Realistic

**A/N: As soon as you start to read this, if you know what one is, you will gasp: Life Starts Now is blatantly creating a sue! Gasp! How could she!**

**Just keep reading :-D **

She knew he'd seen her. She knew he'd been entranced by her beauty. Arabella Nightingale Neverland Alaska (Anna for short) knew that Drake would never be able to take his eyes off her.

His thoughts echoed through her head; _Is she a princess? An angel?_

She had him enraptured. And now he was hers to control.

Anna sauntered down the street. She felt more than a little uncomfortable in her sleazy outfit, but she'd wanted Drake's eyes on her. She had to control him. She'd lead him down to the beach, entrance him . . . and then coercer him to his doom.

She heard his thoughts of surprise as clear as day. Mind-reading. Useful. She bit her lip, and flipped her hair back. A wave of shimmery blond hair fell over her shoulders. She turned back, trying to look absent-minded, and her gaze met his. Her vibrant purple eyes met his unfeeling cold ones.

That was it. He was hooked. She started to walk to the beach. No one would be there, her Rebellion would make sure of that. Brave Jake, and Johnny, and Felix and Keith . . . her throat closed. They wouldn't be hurt, would they? Of course not. They'd do anything for her.

This plan had to work. She'd been the one that thought of it. And it would work. Drake might be powerful, in control, sadistic . . . but he was still just a boy. And even before the FAYZ, boys had been enraptured by her every step.

They'd planned to kill Drake for months. When the pack of wild coyotes and him leading it had invaded Perdido beach they'd started plotting. The five of them had the strongest powers. Drake had captured Sam, Caine, Diana, Dekka, Brianna . . god knew what he was doing with them. It was up to Arabella Nightingale Neverland Alaska and her rebellion to do something about it.

With her exquisite beauty, Drake would have to follow her. She heard his thoughts now, as her bare feet slid over the smooth white sand. The beach was empty on the best of days; Drake had put the kids to work, finding food and other supplies. Now not a soul in sight.

His thoughts echoed through her head. The intense emotion in them shocked her.

_Who is she? What's she doing here? A beautiful thing like her could get hurt. God, I've got to protect her. Do something . . . _

Surely Drake couldn't feel human emotion, could he? She dug into his memories. His past. With horror, she understood. Everything that had happened to him . . . all the hell he'd been through.

It wasn't sympathy she'd felt for him. It was empathy. She understood how it was to be mistreated by her guardians. How it felt to be bullied by the kids at school because you were different (although she'd merely been ridiculed and disliked because of her beauty). She understood him completely.

But he'd become hard and cold, while she'd risen above it all.

She swallowed hard and looked at him. Her purple eyes shined with loss, sorry, empathy. She wanted to reach out . . . to help him . . . somehow . . .

And he just wanted to reach out and help her.

**DDDD**

**This, my dear friends, is a Sue. She disguises herself as Anna, but don't believe a word she says. She's a toxin, a scourge upon all writing.**

Most likely, you are reading this because a) You have no idea what a sue is and would like to learn how to turn yours into a real character, or b) You're looking for something and thought this would be funny.

A sue is an overly idealized character, one who can't make any mistakes. That's the dictionary definition. The true definition of a Mary-Sue: She's a stuck up bitch that all reasonable readers hate with unprecedented fashion.

Well. Moving on**. The first step to reforming your Mary-sue is admitting you have one**. Yes, I know it's hard. I've had to do it before, too. You've slaved away at the laptop or computer or pencil and paper or whatever. You've worked hard to put your story online, and some idiot flamer (or maybe even me) comes along and tells you that your story sucks. (Not that I have anything against flamers, as long as they're reasonable).

Well, I'm sorry to tell you, but if you have a Sue . . . there is a high possibility that your story sucks.

But I'm also here to tell you that you don't have to end it! It's still possible to create a good story! It's still possible to have a good character!

Signs that you have a sue:

All or at least several of the male leads fall in love with her.

She has an incredible cool power, or at least a moderately useful one.

She angsts. A lot. More than necessary.

She's disgustingly beautiful.

She's bullied because she's so beautiful.

She gets raped because she's so beautiful.

She can't make a single mistake.

For more signs, take a Mary Sue Litmus Test. There are many different ones . . . just go to google and type in "Mary Sue Litmus Test."

Notice that I've said "She" a lot. Yes, it is possible to have a male Mary Sue, although these are called Gary-Stus. But you know what? 99% of the fanfiction population is female! And male writers, as I've noticed, are less likely to create slutty characters that prance around hopping into bed with the hottest guys and then randomly save the day.

Fact of life :-P Get over it.

Now, let's look at the character I have above. She appears to have her own harem of boys, as well as Drake (who falls in love with her immediately). She has a power. She angsts. And she is disgustingly beautiful.

In short? She's a Sue. And many of you are arriving to the same conclusion about your own characters.

Now that you've admitted you have a sue, (or are sighing with relief over the fact that you don't have one) you've got to start . . . reforming her.

**The second step to reforming Mary Sue is bringing her down to earth. **

She doesn't get away with everything. Not all of her endeavors succeed. Next time you try writing from your character's POV, have them make a mistake. Screw something up. Get someone hurt. Get herself captured. Anything.

And now, to see this technique in action . . .

DDDD

His thoughts were still in a daze, she knew that much for sure. Anna held her breath. Would this work? Oh god, let this work. She couldn't let down her friends!

"I'm Anna." She held out a hand.

He reached forward with his whip and wrapped it around her wrist. Cold shock tore through her as he dragged her closer.

_But his thoughts weren't malicious!_

"Hi, Anna. I'm sure you know me. I'm Drake. Lotsa coyotes call me 'Whip Hand.'" He eyed her. "And I'm going to find out why I've never seen a pretty thing like you before."

If only she could struggle, she would fight him! She had a black belt, she could fight anyone. But the whip pulled her close to him.

And she realized why his thoughts weren't malicious. _Because Drake's insane._

He pulled back his fist. The last thing she saw before he knocked her unconscious was his smirk.

**A/N: I realize I will probably get a lot of reviews from disgruntled writers for this. However, this topic is too important to resist. Please review and tell me what you think of my character-writing guide. :-D **

**-Life Starts Now **


	2. Personality!

Anna woke up in what appeared to be a cage. Her gaze adjusted slowly, but soon she made out the desks beyond. It wasn't a cage. It was um . . . a dog crate.

Okay. She got into a sit, and let out a moan as her head protested. Oh, yeah. Drake's fist had connected with it.

Where was she? Correction: where the _hell _was she?

Voices. Far away. She gripped the bars of the crate. A door opened and lights poured into the room. Classroom, actually.

So was she at Coates? She almost shivered at the thought. Not Coates. No way. Maybe she was at the school or something.

Into the classroom stepped _Drake._ Oh, god, Drake. He was followed by a couple of the kids she knew to have powers. Max, the kid who could sprout claws. Hannah, the girl who spat acid. Reece, the twelve-year-old with a love of guns that almost surpassed Drake's.

"Hey, the freak's finally awake," He said, and crouched down next to her. "Her eyes are still freaky."

She flinched back as his vile thoughts made themselves loud and clear. He wanted to do all sorts of horrible things to her. He wanted to make her scream until her throat was hoarse.

"What's your name?"

She considered not responding. No, best to do so. She didn't want him trying out those horrible things on her, and it wasn't like her name could do anything, anyway. "Anna."

"Mm." He said. "Okay, Anna, how come I've never seen you around the FAYZ before?" He cracked a smile.

She hesitated.

**FREEZE! **

**Remember how in the last chapter, I said I always have to bring my character down to earth? That still supplies. So as much as it pains me (not) to have her face the consequences of angering Drake . . .**

He grabbed her hair and pulled her face up to the bars, ripping out tangles of blond with it. She let out a shriek as pain flared, but he just laughed.

"Now, are you going to answer me?"

**FREEZE AGAIN!**

So far, Anna has been a boring person. Oh, we know that she's self-sacrificing and all that, but she doesn't really have an personality.

The most valuable thing a character can have is a personality. It's one of the big three (Personality, Background, and Want).

Ms. Mary Sue needs a personality.

So, what should her personality be like? Should she be kind? Sympathetic? Clever? Daring? Talented?

Or . . . um . . . let me think of a fun one.

Daredevil.

That's just a single personality trait (she's definitely not a "deep" character yet)! But it's enough to go by.

**Let's put it in action:**

"Yeah, you totally wish," She snapped back.

He let out a roar (**Still following the rules of the universe**) and tightened his grip on her hair, tugging until it was almost yanked from her scalp. He took a deep breath and released her. She slumped back into the cage.

"I'll give you one more chance to answer that."

She smiled back. She was going to die anyway, and hell she was going down without a struggle. "Do you really think I'm gonna?"

He turned to his evil henchmen and let out a frustrated growl. Like a frigging animal.

**Now, it's all very nice to have a daredevil character – the sort of character that takes risks, but I'm afraid she's turning into a bitchy!sue.**

You know the type, the ones that are almost worse than normal ones cuz they badmouth everyone and get away with it.

And daredevil is just a stereotype! Tooooo boring!

Let's give Anna another character trait.

**What say she only acts so recklessly because she's covering up how cowardly she is and how easily she grows afraid?**

"What should we do to her?" Reece demanded, hoisting his rifle over his shoulder.

She couldn't help it. She scrambled back in the cage, heart pounding in her chest.

Drake undid the latch and poked his head inside. "Come on, Anna, let's get out of there." He said with a not-so-comforting grin.

"Fuck you." She snapped back, trying to pull on that angry shell once again.

He used the whip to drag her, kicking and screaming, out of the crate. He deposited her on the floor, and they circled around her.

She bit her lip and tried not to read their minds. She really, really didn't want to know what was going to happen to her.

"This is your very last chance," He said in a dangerously soft voice.

She spat at him.

He calmly wiped the spit from his cheek, and then kicked her in the stomach (obeying Drake!Cannon). She doubled over, groaning.

He laughed. "Not so great now, are you?"

"Fuck you . . ." She managed again.

"Come up with something more original." Max teased, sprouting claws before her eyes.

**Ah! It sure is refreshing to beat up on Mary Sue! (And if she's not sueish enough, I really am doing my best). But you know what? Those freaking purple eyes are annoying me.**

** I bet they're annoying Drake, too. **

** Always stick to cannon :-D **

Drake down next to her. "Those eyes are fucking annoying me," He growled. He pulled a knife from his belt. "You wanna say sorry!"

Say it! The reasonable, intelligent side of her screamed. The stupid part said. "And I said, fuck you."

He shrugged and jammed the knife into her right eye.

**A/N: I love picking on Mary Sues. Really, I do. And I know there was excessive swearing in that chapter . . . but it's nothing more than you hear in high school, so you'll be okay ;-D. Just remember: Real characters have personalities, and they always have to follow those personalities. That's called canon. We'll go more into deeper personalities later.**

**Until then, enjoy! Please review :-D **


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